I'm normally pretty faithful to this blog. It's been a fun way to share my stories of LA and my acting adventures in Hollywood. Some stories have been fun, others have been frustrating but it's been one exciting adventure.
But seasons change and feelings change. I look at my actions and I question why I wanted this in the first place. I don't think my intentions were bad. Maybe naive, maybe idealistic, maybe shallow, but not evil or malicious. But instead of changing others, as I had wanted to, I found that Hollywood was changing me.
I used to be proud of who I was as a person. I was a smart, caring, sweet girl that enjoyed learning and helping others. I had frizzy hair and busy eyebrows and I would leave wearing my mom's hand-me-downs because I really didn't care about my appearance. I figured no one would care about what I looked like.
Hollywood changes people. When I talk to my group of friends who are in the entertainment industry, I seem to be fine by all standards. I'm right on track with where I need to be. But when I talk with people outside of acting, I'm almost ashamed of who I am and what I have become. I've become labeled as one of "those" girls, and it's not who I want to become.
After several talks with some trusted friends, I've decided to back away from Hollywood slowly. Because of several contracts that I have signed, I cannot walk away altogether yet, but I'm starting to pursue my other interests in hopes of becoming a young woman God can be proud of.
I'm glad I went on this journey though. I've created so many wonderful memories and I've met quite a few amazing people. God has been so faithful and blessed me in so many ways, I'm certain it was His will for me to come to LA.
Now onto the next step. I don't know when, where, how or what, but with God on my side I'm ready to face anything that comes.
Wow this is big news. You must do what you feel is right of course. I don't know the whole story but its possible that you're being too hard on yourself. People on the outside looking in don't always understand what you're going through. So, just as a general rule, don't be so hard on yourself. Besides, you can always change back :) best of luck.
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