So I recently put the deposit on my new apartment in LA. In a little over a week, I will take that final step of being a completely self-supporting young adult in one of the most expensive cities in the nation. I'll be an LA girl, close enough to my family that everyone is within a few hours drive, but far enough to feel like I'm really independent. Finally.
Of course, being the over-prepared worrier that I am, my biggest concern is to make sure I have enough to support myself while supporting my acting career. I refuse to live up to the starving artist stereotype. I firmly believe you can pursue an artistic career while maintaining a decent standard of living.
So tonight I find myself with 3 jobs. Not including acting. I've always been good at multitasking, but now I'm worried that I may have overdone myself. If so, no worries. The nice thing about having this many jobs is that I can easily leave one and not worry about a huge change in income. But, man, it's a little scary to think about everything I have to juggle.
But don't worry, dear friends. My workloads are light, which is why I don't mind getting several jobs. And I'll actually have Friday nights, Saturdays and Sunday mornings free, which makes it quite doable. So what's my schedule like?
Mondays: 9am-5pm dating site, 8am-6pm law firm, 7pm-11pm acting class
Tuesday: 8am-6pm law firm, 12pm-3pm Groupon-type site, 6pm-12am dating site
Wednesday: 8am-6pm law firm, 12pm-3pm Groupon-type site, 6pm-12am dating site
Thursday: 8am-6pm law firm, 12pm-3pm Groupon-type site, 6pm-12am dating site
Friday: 8am-6pm law firm, 12pm-3pm Groupon-type site
Saturday: Rest :)
Sunday: 9am-11am church, 3pm-8pm church nursery
So looking over my schedule, it seems a little crazy, but it's actually pretty doable. The law firm is really small and I just return phone calls and emails when clients call in. For the Groupon-like site, I just have to make my calls for the day then I'm done. And the dating site is pretty slow, especially at night, when I often find myself killing time by going on Facebook or watching a movie while I work. The best part is if I can handle this workload, I'll be making a very good income for a recent college grad, with all of the flexibility I need to audition and pursue my acting career.
So now I'm really ready to close the college student part of my life and transition to the young working adult part of life. What a wonderful, crazy, blessed, exciting journey life is...
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
So long UCI
First off, I want to apologize for the lack of posts lately. I have recently redesigned my website and turned it into a Tumblr blog, where I am now frequently posting things. You can check it out at www.dianele.com
However I will of course continue posting more in depth blog posts here, so continue to check back here as well (I know, sorry for all of the confusion!).
So today I went back to my college for the first time in months to take care of some paperwork. As I was walking around I noticed a lot of new faces and a few old familiar ones. When I smiled and said hi to the few old classmates I knew, they simply smiled, acknowledged me and walked on. I was no longer a student here, one of them, but a stranger, a distant memory of some student who went here for a short time. It brought back a flood of negative feelings: feeling outcast, alone, rejected, not good enough for anyone here. The same feelings I had for most of my UCI School of the Arts career (I also attended the School of Business, where I had a completely different, very positive experience).
Yesterday I had an audition for a Marriott commercial and after the audition I went to the Grove to catch up with my friend Sami, who also went to the UCI drama department. I then got a call from my agency for a last minute audition, so Sami and I hung around LA and went to the Beverly Center for food, where we ran into another UCI alumnus.
He was one of the well known, popular kids in the drama department, one of the ones that was frequently cast in shows. He recognized Sami, but I could see it in his eyes...he didn't quite recognize me. And we were in the same major and same graduating class (with each class being about 400 kids, you'd think we would all know each other).
That was my UCI acting experience. I was pretty unhappy with it.
Contrast that with my LA experience, which I'm currently LOVING. My acting teacher and coaches actually believe in me and care about me. When I see people I know at auditions, I don't just get a smile and a nod. I get enthusiasm, hugs and hearty "So how have you been" questions. At every single audition. Even if I haven't seen these people in months. And those that don't know me are so friendly and open to meeting other people.
People often look at my life and comment on how great it is. They are right, I do have a wonderful life and I'm extremely blessed and very thankful. However, my life is so far from ideal. I struggle with rejection, insecurity, and feeling like the outcast. I've never been the "it" girl or anywhere near it. I'm normally the invisible newcomer that no one knows.
But those struggles make me a much better human being and a much better actress. I can understand those complex emotions because I've lived it. I know what it's like to go down a hallway of people hoping to be invisible, because otherwise people would realize that you are friendless. I know what it's like to feel that your teacher doesn't care about you; you aren't her star talent and she just has to go through the motions of trying to teach you acting.
I know. I've been there. Which is why I'm so grateful that I'm out. That's why I'm always thankful for what I now have, because I went without any support or encouragement for so long.
My goal is to never take it for granted and to remain the same person. The person that remembers the struggles.
However I will of course continue posting more in depth blog posts here, so continue to check back here as well (I know, sorry for all of the confusion!).
So today I went back to my college for the first time in months to take care of some paperwork. As I was walking around I noticed a lot of new faces and a few old familiar ones. When I smiled and said hi to the few old classmates I knew, they simply smiled, acknowledged me and walked on. I was no longer a student here, one of them, but a stranger, a distant memory of some student who went here for a short time. It brought back a flood of negative feelings: feeling outcast, alone, rejected, not good enough for anyone here. The same feelings I had for most of my UCI School of the Arts career (I also attended the School of Business, where I had a completely different, very positive experience).
Yesterday I had an audition for a Marriott commercial and after the audition I went to the Grove to catch up with my friend Sami, who also went to the UCI drama department. I then got a call from my agency for a last minute audition, so Sami and I hung around LA and went to the Beverly Center for food, where we ran into another UCI alumnus.
He was one of the well known, popular kids in the drama department, one of the ones that was frequently cast in shows. He recognized Sami, but I could see it in his eyes...he didn't quite recognize me. And we were in the same major and same graduating class (with each class being about 400 kids, you'd think we would all know each other).
That was my UCI acting experience. I was pretty unhappy with it.
Contrast that with my LA experience, which I'm currently LOVING. My acting teacher and coaches actually believe in me and care about me. When I see people I know at auditions, I don't just get a smile and a nod. I get enthusiasm, hugs and hearty "So how have you been" questions. At every single audition. Even if I haven't seen these people in months. And those that don't know me are so friendly and open to meeting other people.
People often look at my life and comment on how great it is. They are right, I do have a wonderful life and I'm extremely blessed and very thankful. However, my life is so far from ideal. I struggle with rejection, insecurity, and feeling like the outcast. I've never been the "it" girl or anywhere near it. I'm normally the invisible newcomer that no one knows.
But those struggles make me a much better human being and a much better actress. I can understand those complex emotions because I've lived it. I know what it's like to go down a hallway of people hoping to be invisible, because otherwise people would realize that you are friendless. I know what it's like to feel that your teacher doesn't care about you; you aren't her star talent and she just has to go through the motions of trying to teach you acting.
I know. I've been there. Which is why I'm so grateful that I'm out. That's why I'm always thankful for what I now have, because I went without any support or encouragement for so long.
My goal is to never take it for granted and to remain the same person. The person that remembers the struggles.
Monday, January 3, 2011
All the World's a Stage...
In lieu of having an actual acting class, I've resorted to people-watching and people-interacting (we will have to pass that hyphenation off as acceptable for the sake of this entry) as a surrogate form of acting training. Jerry Seinfeld did the same thing, and look how successful a comedian he became. And all his sitcom was about was about nothing. You know. Those little things in life that we brush off as insignificant but are really not. Those "straws that break the camel's back." Brilliant, right?! Why? Because we can all relate to those things. The stuff that happens to the everyday American...toothpaste caps, phone messages, bad dates...we all turn on our TVs, see ourselves in it in a slightly exaggerated way, and then empathetically laugh our hearts out.
So since I am deprived of acting lessons, I created my own. Of course, I did not look at my current job this way until my mom brought it to light for me one day when I was feeling particularly down about it. When you are involved in direct marketing, it goes slightly beyond your standard cup of customer service. Not only do you have to serve, you have to be the whole package; you are the introduction to the product and service; you are the presenter, you are the expert on all things that (whatever "that" may be, fill in the blank here); you are the problem-solver, diagnosing their needs and providing a solution. And of course, you are the one who provides an opportunity for them to fill that need and solve that problem with the product you represent. And finally you take care of them all the way till the final "Congrats!" and handshake.
Working with this marketing company and our top client has definitely been a challenge. Not in terms of skills per se; the ins-and-outs of the required skill set were very easy to learn. No, where the challenge came in was when I was asked to draw from within myself to keep motivated against probable and frequent barrages of negativity and rejection.
Can I just say that when I was little, I totally thought that if you were nice to the world, the world would be nice to you back. Of course, right?! That seems logical. I could not fathom how someone could be mean or snappy for no apparent reason.
Well, flash forward to schooled, practically grown-up me, in this thing called the "real world," meeting all sorts of folk who could easily incinerate you with a stare if their looks could do so much damage. I'm talking about roommates, classmates, groupmates, commuters, coffee-makers, grocers, deans, customers! Anyone and everyone is a possibility for a flare-up. Sometimes in my job all I do is say hi...I don't even get to what I'm supposed to say before they "give me the hand," growl, or snap. And to think - a simple hello!
I know people have lives and problems and such, but let me just say that compartmentalizing (ie, NOT taking your personal problems out on innocent victims) is a valuable skill to learn. Just an FYI.
Who would've thought that rejection could hurt so hard. When I make a pitch to a possible customer and they turn it down flat, they reject our client's service and product, not me. But it sure feels personal. And as a human being, I take it that way most times.
But then...then there are times when things couldn't go smoother. You meet the customers who make your day shine so brightly you want to make homemade banana bread for them. And whether they enlist your services or not, they somehow make such a positive impact on your day it restores your faith in humanity again.
And then of course there are days and times when things move along on an average plane...you get a mix of the no's and yes's and at the end of the day you've been exposed to such different scenarios and characters that you can only laugh. And then eat a hearty dinner and keep moving forward.
Showbiz is a lot like my lovely job. There are times when the wind fills your sails and you fly high. You get an agent, you book a role, you clear a check, you snag a callback; they love you! Then there are times when it seems that the pain of rejection is so bad you begin to question your very place in the industry you know you love so much.
You'll meet grumpy casting directors who judge you based on your "hello"; some agents will cast you aside before giving you a chance to show them what you have to offer; a role may go to someone else (this hurts the most...at least it definitely makes the top five).
But you'll also meet lovely people who look at newbies and go, "sure!", and agents who will take a chance. You'll give your 100% and someone will notice and praise you for it; you'll be the reason the commercial or the film was a success.
And through it all, you must keep trucking. And you have to be self-motivated. And you have to let the negatives ride off your shoulder and focus on the positives.
Above all, you must put God first.
Because anything worth having in this life has got to be something good, and all good things come from God.
God blessed me with this job. Yeah, at times it's hard. I've cried, I'll admit it. I didn't have as thick a skin as I thought. But over these past two months I've seen how beneficial it's been to me. Instead of me paying someone to teach me how to "improv" a conversation on the spot, how to live in the moment, how to pick apart a script, I get paid to do all that and more with the wide variety of clientele we have in the Bay Area. I have broadened my character horizons for story ideas, I've learned to laugh when someone shoves a hand in my face, I've gotten used to dealing with no's and with some of the most difficult people I didn't know existed. I've also learned to appreciate kindness and honesty in others, and how good it feels to receive it. I also know, on a very small scale, what God feels like. Before He can even say hello, some people curse Him to His face, judging Him before they know how wonderful He really is.
There's been a reason I've stayed here in Marketing...God has been teaching me, and He also knew I needed a paycheck :) What a lovely sense of humor He has. He's full of surprises, and He's an ever-patient teacher. The best one.
I've got a lot to learn, no doubt about it. But every moment I get to be refined by Him is a moment I cherish. He'll bring me 'round to my mission soon enough. I hope He steers me towards the film industry again soon...perhaps this has been the training ground, and now I wait to be sent out into "the field" again...this time stronger and more confident than the last time. Ready to face anything, and to know that God truly is in control. To know that in my heart, not only in my head.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11
He knows. He knows everything. And He has plans. To think: The God of the Universe has plans for you. Don't let anyone less lead you.
Happy New Year, all. God loves you more than you know.
~Catherine
So since I am deprived of acting lessons, I created my own. Of course, I did not look at my current job this way until my mom brought it to light for me one day when I was feeling particularly down about it. When you are involved in direct marketing, it goes slightly beyond your standard cup of customer service. Not only do you have to serve, you have to be the whole package; you are the introduction to the product and service; you are the presenter, you are the expert on all things that (whatever "that" may be, fill in the blank here); you are the problem-solver, diagnosing their needs and providing a solution. And of course, you are the one who provides an opportunity for them to fill that need and solve that problem with the product you represent. And finally you take care of them all the way till the final "Congrats!" and handshake.
Working with this marketing company and our top client has definitely been a challenge. Not in terms of skills per se; the ins-and-outs of the required skill set were very easy to learn. No, where the challenge came in was when I was asked to draw from within myself to keep motivated against probable and frequent barrages of negativity and rejection.
Can I just say that when I was little, I totally thought that if you were nice to the world, the world would be nice to you back. Of course, right?! That seems logical. I could not fathom how someone could be mean or snappy for no apparent reason.
Well, flash forward to schooled, practically grown-up me, in this thing called the "real world," meeting all sorts of folk who could easily incinerate you with a stare if their looks could do so much damage. I'm talking about roommates, classmates, groupmates, commuters, coffee-makers, grocers, deans, customers! Anyone and everyone is a possibility for a flare-up. Sometimes in my job all I do is say hi...I don't even get to what I'm supposed to say before they "give me the hand," growl, or snap. And to think - a simple hello!
I know people have lives and problems and such, but let me just say that compartmentalizing (ie, NOT taking your personal problems out on innocent victims) is a valuable skill to learn. Just an FYI.
Who would've thought that rejection could hurt so hard. When I make a pitch to a possible customer and they turn it down flat, they reject our client's service and product, not me. But it sure feels personal. And as a human being, I take it that way most times.
But then...then there are times when things couldn't go smoother. You meet the customers who make your day shine so brightly you want to make homemade banana bread for them. And whether they enlist your services or not, they somehow make such a positive impact on your day it restores your faith in humanity again.
And then of course there are days and times when things move along on an average plane...you get a mix of the no's and yes's and at the end of the day you've been exposed to such different scenarios and characters that you can only laugh. And then eat a hearty dinner and keep moving forward.
Showbiz is a lot like my lovely job. There are times when the wind fills your sails and you fly high. You get an agent, you book a role, you clear a check, you snag a callback; they love you! Then there are times when it seems that the pain of rejection is so bad you begin to question your very place in the industry you know you love so much.
You'll meet grumpy casting directors who judge you based on your "hello"; some agents will cast you aside before giving you a chance to show them what you have to offer; a role may go to someone else (this hurts the most...at least it definitely makes the top five).
But you'll also meet lovely people who look at newbies and go, "sure!", and agents who will take a chance. You'll give your 100% and someone will notice and praise you for it; you'll be the reason the commercial or the film was a success.
And through it all, you must keep trucking. And you have to be self-motivated. And you have to let the negatives ride off your shoulder and focus on the positives.
Above all, you must put God first.
Because anything worth having in this life has got to be something good, and all good things come from God.
God blessed me with this job. Yeah, at times it's hard. I've cried, I'll admit it. I didn't have as thick a skin as I thought. But over these past two months I've seen how beneficial it's been to me. Instead of me paying someone to teach me how to "improv" a conversation on the spot, how to live in the moment, how to pick apart a script, I get paid to do all that and more with the wide variety of clientele we have in the Bay Area. I have broadened my character horizons for story ideas, I've learned to laugh when someone shoves a hand in my face, I've gotten used to dealing with no's and with some of the most difficult people I didn't know existed. I've also learned to appreciate kindness and honesty in others, and how good it feels to receive it. I also know, on a very small scale, what God feels like. Before He can even say hello, some people curse Him to His face, judging Him before they know how wonderful He really is.
There's been a reason I've stayed here in Marketing...God has been teaching me, and He also knew I needed a paycheck :) What a lovely sense of humor He has. He's full of surprises, and He's an ever-patient teacher. The best one.
I've got a lot to learn, no doubt about it. But every moment I get to be refined by Him is a moment I cherish. He'll bring me 'round to my mission soon enough. I hope He steers me towards the film industry again soon...perhaps this has been the training ground, and now I wait to be sent out into "the field" again...this time stronger and more confident than the last time. Ready to face anything, and to know that God truly is in control. To know that in my heart, not only in my head.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11
He knows. He knows everything. And He has plans. To think: The God of the Universe has plans for you. Don't let anyone less lead you.
Happy New Year, all. God loves you more than you know.
~Catherine
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